Mommy Wars

I recently wrote a post about the ‘New Me’, the gist of the post being that becoming a mom has made me into (what I believe to be) a better person. On the day of the post I was looking at my Facebook feed and one of the mom’s on the mommy group I belong to had posted an article called ‘What happens to a Woman’s Brain When She Becomes a Mother’ written by Adrienne Lafrance on ‘The Atlantic’. Seeing as I myself had just written about the changes I have gone through as a mom, I immediately started reading.

The article explains that the emotional changes every mother goes through, ‘the overwhelming love, the fierce protectiveness, and the constant worry begin with reactions in the brain’ (Lafranc, 2015). Our mothering instinct is therefore neurological in nature. Although Lafranc goes into much more detail explaining her findings, this sentence struck a chord: if all mothers go through these changes, these strong maternal feelings, which could in turn, lead them to want a better world for their child, why are moms always fighting? Why is it that they are so judgmental of each other, if at the end of the day we all want the same thing?

On a separate occasion I was reading through some posts on the same Facebook mommy group. A mom was asking for some advice, specifically whether she could give her child coffee as this is something her mother gave her when she was little. This of course sparked a debate and instead of simply giving their opinions (as we all have a right to do), some moms were starting to attack each other on this very public forum. Now, I of course understand, that every mom is passionate about their children, their emotional and physical well-being and that every mom has probably done her research and based her particular parenting style on this research as well as on the way she was raised.

Yet, at the same time, I can also assume that every mom second guesses herself all the time and every mom is scared of messing it all up somehow (I know that I do). It is therefore only logical to turn to other moms, people in the same boat, for advice.

I am very much a believer in the saying ‘live and let live’ and although I do not always agree with others, especially on parenting techniques, I believe that we as moms are only doing our best. So, even if we do not agree with others, it does not mean they need to be punished for the fact that they are following a different path to yours. Maybe she chose a c-section because she was really scared of the labour pains, or maybe she chose the c-section because an induction could have very well put her baby’s life at risk. Either way, it does not matter. Either way, she is now a mom, a mom, just like you and I, who is overcome with love for her little angel, who wants to protect her little bundle with every ounce of her being and who lives with a constant fear of making a mistake.

Imagine the type of world we as moms could create, if instead of fighting and judging each other, we just stood together and tried to affect a positive change. Instead of individually trying to create a better environment for our own children, fighting so hard for our own little bit of sunshine, we could all stand in the sun if we simply stood by each other (regardless of our parenting styles).

I want to live in a world like this.

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