Hi, my name is Alexa and I am a mother.
More specifically, I am the mother of a happy, beautiful 4,5 month old boy. And as is the case with most mothers, he is the light of my life.
Before I became a mom however, I was a regular 30 (something) year old who was focused on building a career, who lived for travel and a sense of adventure and who loved a good party. Luckily, my job allowed me all of these things. My life was one constant adventure, jetting from one travel destination to the next, enjoying meeting new people, working hard, partying and exploring, almost on a monthly basis.
After I turned 30 however, I all of a sudden realised that time is running out and that if I wanted to start a family (which I of course wanted to), I should start now. My husband and I fell pregnant within two months and I soon realised that this meant that I would have to put my career on hold for a little while, stop travelling so much and focus on a quiet life at home. My adventures came to a screeching halt.
I did not like this idea at all.
Pregnancy made me feel so restricted. I could not eat what I wanted to, could not drink what I wanted to and worst of all, I could not partake in any adventurous activities (apparently even going down a water slide can be dangerous). I was probably also a little paranoid (ok, very paranoid) because even though I disliked being pregnant, every single bone in my body wanted to protect this little Bean growing inside me. Ambivalent as my feelings were towards this pregnancy, one thing was a definite; I loved this new addition to our little family.
So, cue many confusing months of reading pregnancy and baby books, of making lists and lists and lists of goods we would need for our Bean, choosing a name (oh my goodness, that was hard) and preparing the baby room so that it would be just perfect, the time for him to arrive was almost at hand. I was ready. I knew (or thought I knew) everything there was to know about taking care of a little one and I could not wait to no longer be pregnant. I wanted my life back.
The big day arrived and our little Bean was born. The amount of love that consumed my heart and soul on that day was overwhelming. I cried a lot. I cried because of the unfathomable amount of love I felt, I cried because of the overwhelming sense of responsibility and I cried because I was scared.
My life had changed. It was no longer focused on what fun adventure I could go on next, it was focused on keeping a little human Bean alive, to nurture him, to allow him to grow and to unfold into a perfect, beautiful person so that he could fulfill his dreams, his destiny. And I realised, looking at his tiny little hands and feet, his face so peaceful as he slept, that my new adventure had just started. It started when his life began.